cute read

How to change the oil on your bike.

Instructions on how to change the oil on your bike-
FOR WOMEN

1) Take your bike to the dealer.
3000 miles since the last oil change.

2) Drink a cup of coffee.

3) 15 minutes later write a check and leave with a
properly maintained vehicle.

MONEY SPENT

Oil Change $75.00 Coffee $1.00

TOTAL $76.00


OIL CHANGE INSTRUCTIONS -FOR MEN

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to bike dealer and
buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner, write a check for $50.00.

2) Stop by 7-11 and buy a case of beer, write a check
for $20.00, drive home.

3) Open a beer and drink it.

4) Put bike on bike lift. Spend 30 minutes looking for bike lift

5) Find bike lift under kid's pedal car.

6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

7) Place drain pan under engine.

8) Look for 17mm box end wrench.

9) Give up and use crescent wrench.

10) Unscrew drain plug.

11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil
on you in  process.

12) Crawl out from under bike to wipe hot oil off of
face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.

13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.

14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.

15) Give up; crawl under under and hammer a screwdriver
through oil filter and twist off.

16) Crawl out from under bike with dripping oil filter
splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old
oil filter among trash in trashcan to avoid
environmental penalties. Drink a beer.

17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him.
Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see
his new bike.

18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the
oil change." Drag pan full of old oil out from
underneath bike. Cleverly dump oil in hole in backyard
instead of taking it to be recycled!

19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step
18.

20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.

21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.

22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin
coat of oil to gasket surface.

23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

24) Remember drain plug from step 11.

25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in
the back yard along with drain plug.

27) Drink beer.

28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug.
Re-shovel oily dirt into hole. Steal sand from kid's
sandbox to cleverly cover oily patch of ground and
avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in
lawnmower gas.

29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on
the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.

30) Drink beer.

31) Crawl under bike getting kitty litter into eyes.
Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug.
Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug
and bang knuckles on frame.

32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.

33) Begin cussing fit.

34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.

35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes.

36) Beer.

37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as
required to stop blood flow.

38) Beer.

39) Beer.

40) Dump in four fresh quarts of oil.

41) Beer.

42) Lower bike from bike stand.

43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor
oil.

44) Move bike back to apply more kitty litter to fresh
oil spilled during steps 23 - 43.

45) Beer.

46) Test drive bike.

47) Get pulled over & arrested for driving under the
influence.

48) Bike gets impounded.

49) Call loving wife, make bail.

50) 12 hours later, get bike from impound yard.

MONEY SPENT:

Parts                   $50.00
DWI                     $2500.00
Impound fee             $75.00
Bail                    $1500.00
Beer                    $40.00
TOTAL:                  $4165.00

Knowing the job was done "right"?  Priceless